Todd Matson
I can’t say that I know
the cost of diapers and formula
two decades ago, only that it was damn
expensive, and damn me that I kept growing and
requiring larger quantities of food every year. The cost of
childcare while you worked extra jobs to pay for childcare must
have robbed you out of every simple pleasure that life could afford the
childless, not to mention your sanity, but I know not to even get you started.
After all you’ve done
for me: the cost of school,
uniforms, extracurricular activities,
summer camps, hobbies, birthdays, toys,
Christmas, more toys, bikes, cars, medical, dental
and orthodontic expenses, cell phones, computers, video
games, cars, car insurance, car maintenance, car repairs, gas for
the car, college tuition, college room and board – how can I forget the
extra jobs and overtime that couldn’t pay for it all. It cost many pounds of flesh.
Yes, you had to even sell
your plasma. How well you’ve
taught me that I have nothing at all to
complain about and everything to thank you for.
Adjusted for inflation, I don’t even know where to begin
to calculate the cost of raising me. You’ve invested quite a chunk
of change in me and now you feel entitled to a return on your investment.
After all you’ve done for me, I owe you. Is that right? I owe you friendship, quality
time, holidays, weekends, lunches, dinners, movie nights. Is that so? Is that what I owe you?
Put it on my tab.